


Scotland Yard Does Facebook (Or "Shut Up, Winnie!")

by roseandheather



Category: Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Facebook, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Winston is told to shut up, Barbara hates wedding planning, Fiona Knight wins a bet and Judith is very helpful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scotland Yard Does Facebook (Or "Shut Up, Winnie!")

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God. I dug this old thing somewhere out of the bowels of my hard drive/Livejournal. Not in the Bittersweet series, for obvious reasons, but it is technically Bittersweet-verse in that it's set in that universe.
> 
> Please note that this is in no way intended to be an accurate representation of Barbara's or Lynley's online life (or anyone else's, for that matter), and does not in any way, shape or form reflect the (very, very slim) likelihood or lack thereof of any of these characters having Facebook profiles in the first place. It is merely a story device, nothing else. That said, I'd like to think I've kept them somewhere in the same country as their actual characters, and I sincerely hope you enjoy this bit of crack.

**Barbara Havers** and **Tommy Lynley** are in a relationship.  
                **Winston Nkata, Stuart Lafferty, Fiona Knight** _and 12 others like this._  
                **Winston Nkata:** God, Barbie, what took you so long?  
                **Barbara Havers:** Shut up, Winnie.  
                **Thomas Lynley:** “BARBIE”???  
                **Barbara Havers:** Don’t even think about it, love.  
                **Stuart Lafferty:** How utterly adorable.  
                **Barbara Havers:** I’m warning you, Lafferty...!  
                **Winston Nkata:** Be afraid. Be very afraid.  
                **Barbara Havers:** SHUT UP, WINNIE.  
                **Winston Nkata:** Are you constantly waiting for an opportunity to say that?  
                **Barbara Havers:** Basically, yes.  
                **Fiona Knight:** So the double act’s finally a proper double act, eh? It’s about time. Congratulations, you two!  
                **Barbara Havers:** THANK you, Fiona!

 **Tommy Lynley =**   **Barbara Havers:** Darling, I love you, but I swear to God, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will kill you myself.

 **Barbara Havers =** **Tommy Lynley:** There were kids at risk!

 **Tommy Lynley =** **Barbara Havers:** I know how you feel, love, but really, we’ve been over this. You are Not Allowed to put me at risk of losing you!

 **Barbara Havers =** **Tommy Lynley:** So why don’t you – express your displeasure? At home?

 **Tommy Lynley =** **Barbara Havers:** Meet me there in ten minutes. TEN MINUTES, Barbara, and don’t keep me waiting!  
                **Winston Nkata:** DISLIKE!  
                **Barbara Havers:** You’re just jealous.  
                **Winston Nkata:** The way Annie Mason’s looking at me says I’m not.  
                **Barbara Havers:**...shut up, Winnie. Anyway, don’t like, don’t look. I’m in love and I’m not afraid to show it!  
                **Winston Nkata:** What happened to “no man is worth the aggravation”?  
                **Barbara Havers:** The man in question returned my feelings.  
                **Winston Nkata:**...oh my God, you are so far gone.  
                **Barbara Havers:** And may I never come back again!  
                                **Tommy Lynley** _likes this._

 **Barbara Havers** and **Tommy Lynley** are engaged.  
                **Fiona Knight:** Nkata, you owe me twenty pounds. Barbara, when’s the wedding?  
                **Barbara Havers:** As soon as you can find a sitter for Maggie. ;) Will you be my matron of honour?  
                **Fiona Knight:**...oh, Barbara.  
                **Barbara Havers:** Now now, don’t get my shirt wet. Is that a yes?  
                **Fiona Knight:** YES. Nkata, you little scamp, hand it over.  
                **Winston Nkata:** Gotta catch me first!  
                **Barbara Havers:** *death glare*  
 **Winston Nkata:** Okay, okay. Jesus. Here you go, Fiona.

 **Barbara Havers** loathes wedding planning.  
                **Tommy Lynley:** Should I be worried?  
                **Barbara Havers:** That I’ll chuck all this planning business in Judith’s lap and let her have her fun? Yes. That I won’t go through with the wedding?   Never in a million years.  
                                **Judith Helston** _likes this._  
                **Tommy Lynley:** Oh, good. What’s the matter, love?  
                **Barbara Havers:** I don’t care what colour the flowers are or who sits with whom. If I had my way, we’d elope to Gretna Green. I hope you appreciate the fuss and feathers I’m putting up with for your sake, Your Lordship!  
                **Tommy Lynley:** Allow me to express my appreciation. At home. Alone. With you.  
                **Winston Nkata:** Too. Much. Information.  
                **Barbara Havers** and **Tommy Lynley:** SHUT UP, WINNIE!

 **Tommy Lynley** is counting down the days.  
                **Judith Helston:** Oh, Tommy, her dress is simply divine. It suits her perfectly.  
                **Barbara Havers:** I look like a fairy cake. A very poofy, blushing fairy cake!  
                **Dorothy Lynley:** Nonsense, Barbara. You’re stunning in that gown.  
                **Barbara Havers:** If you say so, ma’am.  
                **Dorothy Lynley:** Good girl. And haven’t we discussed this? It’s Dorothy, Barbara.  
                **Barbara Havers:**...sorry, Dorothy.

 **Judith Helston** is having the time of her life.  
                **Barbara Havers:** I owe you my undying gratitude.  
                **Judith Helston:** Nonsense, love. I’m glad to do it.  
                **Barbara Havers:** Thank God. I’d wind up serving fish when it should be salad and seating two people who hate each other at the same table.  
                **Judith Helston:** Please. I never would have let that happen. Now, have you thought about who you want to do your makeup and hair for the day?  
                **Barbara Havers:** Makeup? What for?  
                **Judith Helston:**...this might be harder than I thought.

 **Tommy Lynley** “Looking back at what you got me through, you knew me better than I knew myself. When I feel lost and I can’t find my way, when words are at a loss, I can hear you say, ‘I will be by your side, when all hope has died, I will still be around...’”  
                **Barbara Havers** _likes this._

 **Barbara Havers** “Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky, you wipe away tears that I cry. Oh, the good and the bad times, we’ve been through them all, you make me rise when I fall! ‘Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling, and every time we kiss, I swear I could fly! Can’t you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. Need you by my side...”  
                **Tommy Lynley** _likes this._  
                **Tommy Lynley:** Just try to make me leave.  
                **Barbara Havers:** I did, remember? It didn’t work.  
                **Tommy Lynley:** And there you go.

 **Barbara Havers** is about to fly out of her skin.  
                **Tommy Lynley:** All right there, love?  
                **Barbara Havers:** I’m about to become a bloody COUNTESS! What was I thinking? What were YOU thinking??  
                **Tommy Lynley:** I was thinking that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I was under the impression you shared that desire. Barbara, are you all right?  
                **Barbara Havers:** Of course I want to spend the rest of my life with you! I just... a COUNTESS??!?  
                **Tommy Lynley:** I’m coming over there.  
                **Judith Helston:** Like hell you are! We’ll take care of her. Back off, Inspector!  
                                **Fiona Knight** _likes this._

 **Tommy Lynley** is finding it rather impossible to breathe.

 **Winston Nkata** has never been prouder in his life.

 **Stuart Lafferty** would like to express his intense gratitude to whoever got the Sergeant into That Dress. The Inspector is one lucky bloke, that’s for sure.

 **Dorothy Lynley** is running out of tissues rather rapidly.

 **Judith Helston** can’t actually believe she pulled this off. Well done, Barbara and Tommy. Well done, indeed.

 **Barbara Havers** has changed her name to **Barbara Lynley.  
                Tommy Lynley: **...oh, _Barbara._

 **Fiona Knight** **=** **Tommy Lynley** and **Barbara Lynley** : Now remember, you two, I’ve got your squad for the next two weeks. You go and enjoy yourselves whilst I enjoy torturing DC Nkata here.  
                **Barbara Lynley** and **Tommy Lynley** _like this._  
                **Winston Nkata:** I am afraid.  
                **Fiona Knight:** You and I shall get along quite well, then. *bright smile*  
                **Winston Nkata:** *gulps*

 **Barbara Lynley** is on her honeymoon (!!!).  
                **Tommy Lynley** _likes this._

 **Tommy Lynley** will string up by their thumbs anyone who disturbs himself or DS Lynley for the next fortnight.  
 **Barbara Lynley:** SHUT UP, WINNIE!!!       
 **Winston Nkata:**...dammit!

 **Tommy Lynley** and **Barbara Lynley** have signed off of Facebook.

**Author's Note:**

> This is also a bit of an apology for yoinking "And In The End It's Easy" without notice. What will be going up in its place - eventually - is a considerably longer and, I think, more realistic and in-character fic. But that'll be a couple of weeks at least in the writing, so I hope you enjoy this and a couple of other bits to come until "Ever Just As Sure" goes up at last. Here's hoping the third time's the charm!


End file.
